BLOODHOUND GANG Three Point One Four

My last girlfriend didn't like me 
thought she might be
Most likely a dyke 
she just didn't excite me
Lefty? Yeah but that was alright
She was hotter than the sun 
but she just wasn't that bright
My mistake she was more flaky 
than a leper colony
I think a wooden clothespin 
would have been much better company
Ass like a donkey acting funky 
gave her "L" now she's a flunky
So my love for her died quicker 
than a batch of Sea Monkeys
Early bird gets the worm spread your legs 
or spread the word
So what 
if I'm not the smartest peanut in the turd
I'm white which goes with everything 
but I can come in any color
And I'm looking for the kind of girl 
that reminds me of my mother
But it's hard to find a girl 
with a viper tattooed on her tushy
And how many girls do you know 
that can play 
the harmonica with their pussies?
Like em' easy and hot and sweet 
like a Rice Krispie Treat, gee
You know what 
I really want in a girl? Me

I need to find a new vagina
Any kind of new vagina
It's hard to rhyme a word like vagina
Calvin Klein? kinda North Carolina?

Women are like dog, doo, 
hear me through don't interrupt
It's just the older 
that they are the easier they get to pick-up
I'd fill the generation gap 
clean the cobwebs from her rafters
Old hens would rather put out 
than be put out to the pasture
No age just ain't a gauge 
I like my girls like my cheese
Preferably for me fat-free 
American singles only
I want my next 
chick anorexic, 
the winner is the thinner
Won't have to take her skinny ass 
out to a fancy dinner
Like Sizzler she got a beef 
we'll chew the fat
If I forget to put the seat up 
I can put up with her crap
Let her lash out and crack 
the whip but not in bed 
I don't play rough
No I can't be tied down with a girl 
that wants me tied up
Just independent like NOFX, 
smart like Janeane Garafolo
She'd use big words 
to make fun of me so that I would never know
Bestow upon me all her wisdom 
of the Dewey Decimal System, gee
You know 
what I really want in a girl? Me

I need to find a new vagina
Any kind of new vagina
It's hard to rhyme a word like vagina
Kevin Klein?kinda South Carolina?

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